summer chicken

HI EVERYONE. THE FIRST POST FROM POST-GRAD SUMMER JESSI. For some reason I was under the impression that once I graduated college I would have a lot of free time. Lol no. To catch you all up, I'm still living in San Luis Obispo teaching surf lessons and raising financial support to go on Young Life staff. A lot has happened in a month. But have no fear I wrote you guys a novel and included pictures.

So I found out that graduating from college is kind of a big deal. It didn't hit me until like two days before when I was like lol wait this is kinda a huge accomplishment and also represents the four most transformative years of my life thus far. So ya know, gonna give myself a pat on the back here but also say I couldn't have done it without Mom, Dad, and Jesus Christ.

The first thing I could think to do post-graduation was to drive to The Kingdom in Big Sur and camp and eat tri-tip and touch my ukulele and stare at the vast ocean and worship the Lord with my women friends. That place will actually always be holy ground for me. I JUST FEEL LIKE A NEW WOMAN WHEN I LEAVE THAT PLACE. And God always teaches me some big fat lesson when I'm there.

Things that I wanna talk about from this past month in no particular order:

One night my pal Fran and I put on matching outfits to go on an Olive Garden date because I had a $25 gift card. GAME ON. Last time I had an Olive Garden gift card I ate alone at the one in Santa Maria in slippers while I read a textbook. I don't know how I keep getting Olive Garden gift cards. Or if anyone will ever love me.

I taught an Amish man how to surf. He rode here from Missouri on a train. Just really building my 2 truths and a lie material over here.

Chuy and Vicky had me over to celebrate my graduation and even brought out the vino for the event. They are my entire heart and have already told me how excited they are to visit me in Santa Barbara. COME ON DOWN CHU AND VIC!

mis angeles

IF U AGREE THAT MOVING OUT IS JUST THE WORST THING CAN I GET AN AMEN. It's just the most stressful and hard. Galboa had to call in some back-up. So like any good YL leaders would, we paid our Young Life kids money towards camp to do our dirty work. At one point we had 4 YL leaders, 4 YL kids, 2 Mormon missionaries, and 2 gardeners all working on our home. Many hands make light work am I right??? And then Alyssa brought home a dozen donuts. A-men.

So my full-time job right now is fundraising my salary for my new yob (lol @ working for God). IT IS SO FUN. I just get to catch up with old friends and talk about Jesus and what he's done in my life and what he's doing in Santa Barbara. AND I ACCIDENTALLY MINISTER TO MYSELF EVERYTIME I TALK ABOUT IT. Like when I share my story and how perfectly my life experience has set me up to take this position in Santa Barbara all I can think is GOD IS REAL. But I think the most satisfying part of my job so far is being able to make business phone calls without pants on. SO SATISFYING.

Last month I had the grand privilege of baptizing my pal Allie Davis with my other pal Claire Shannon. Alan Davis and Clam Shannon have been two of the most influential people in my life this year and to be able to be a part of Allie proclaiming her decision to follow Jesus via *~water baptism~* was v cool. We also made her a laminated certificate of baptism. I mean we're not gonna baptize someone and not laminate them a certificate.

pure. joy.

Lauren had her bridal shower last weekend. Julia and I spent the 3 hours before the shower sweating and trying to make apple and goat cheese tartlets. TURNS OUT MAKING TARTLETS IS A VERY DIFFICULT TASK. VERY VERY DIFFICULT. Lauren our sweet sweet angel bride who we forced to stay in her room could hear comments from the kitchen along the lines of, "oh no oh no oh no", "you're just gonna have to use your finger", "oh, this is very bad", and "this is what happens when you get married before the age 25, VERY STEEP LEARNING CURVE HERE". By the grace of Jesus Christ the tartlets turned out great and Julia and I are now available for hire for tartlet making. I'll know I'm mature enough to get married myself when DUMB photos like the one below stop being my favorite photo from bridal events. Nothing funnier than seeing Julia's face so close to my deodorant residue. 

glowing bride pictured at top right

OH ALSO. I went to a couple of pals' wedding (hi John + Jess) and would just like to do a quick brag on them. They work in the Tenderloin of San Francisco, where the majority of the homeless population lives. I met and started talking to a couple of older dudes that if I'm being honest (I'm hoping this doesn't come off judgmental or harsh in writing), just seemed pretty dang strange. After continuing to chat with them I found out that they were formerly homeless dudes that got put back on their feet and introduced to Jesus by Jess and John and their ministry in the TL. And now they are at their wedding celebrating their marriage with them. HOW COOL IS THAT. Shout out to John and Jess for not separating their ministry and their daily lives and for in Jesus' words, "loving the least of these". If my wedding one day isn't filled with people who by the world's standards would have no place or reason to be there other than the love of Jesus then I'll know I'm doing something wrong. ONE MORE ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR JESUS, JESS, AND JOHN. 

So at the start of the summer, my pal Ellie and I made a pact that we would surf every day possible. AND WE HAVE. And it's been the best part of my summer. It's all been really great EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE MORNING HER TRUCK GOT STOLEN. We literally came up from the beach and Ellie said "where's my truck". We ran around the parking lot like a couple of panicked wetsuited idiots and then remembered Jesus is real so we prayed and then I called 911 on an Israeli tourists phone. And then the cops came and they used the app Find My iPhone to track Ellie's phone in the truck. The truck was just cruising right along through Nipomo. Within an hour cops found the truck parked off the road in some trees with ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS UNTOUCHED. They left the car undamaged with our iphones, Ellie's wallet, and our keys in it. Someone just needed a ride to Nipomo I guess. The cops drove Ellie to retrieve her truck and she picked me and our boards up from Pismo and then we drove home LIKE NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. Can't say I've ever had a more pleasant car theft experience.  LESSON LEARNED: don't put your keys in your gas cap. 

my ellie

For Julia's birthday, Julia, Alyssa, and I went to Six Flags. We all wore our matching Jansen Ornamental Supply Co. hats of course. NO ONE WAS THERE and there were no lines and it was only 99 degrees and it was a perfect day. Let me share something I realized about my friends that I really really love: Julia's favorite ride was closed, we got stuck on X2, and we found a beard hair in the bottom of the lemonade slushie we shared. To a lot of people, those three things would make for a pretty bad day. But for us it's more like LOL JULIA OF COURSE YOUR FAVORITE RIDE IS CLOSED, LOL WE GOT STUCK ON A RIDE, AND YES THERE'S A BEARD HAIR IN YOUR SLUSHIE NOW WE CAN GET A FREE ONE. I think I just really take for granted the *~stellar~* attitude of my pals. We were gonna end the night by going on the new ride again that was the only ride with a long line but decided we were too hungry so we passed it but accidentally got caught dancing for the cover band playing on a stage. And then a guy asked us if we wanted to participate in a FUNNEL CAKE EATING COMPETITION and so Juju and Alyssa went up on the stage against these jr. high girls who didn't stand a chance. They had no idea they were asking a couple of YOUNG LIFE LEADERS to play. Oh IT'S NOT A PIECE OF GARLIC COVERED IN CHOCOLATE SAUCE????? IT'S A FUNNEL CAKE???? Of course my Juju and my Lissi won and we got to go to the FRONT OF THE LINE of the ride we were gonna skip because it was too long. And then there was an ABSOLUTELY PERFECT SUNSET that you could only see from the top of the coaster. Stupid. Just stupid. 

matching on the most threatening ride at six flags

And then the next morning me and Alyssa were talking about the musical 'In The Heights' (a bilingual musical about immigrants living in the barrio of NYC, yeah I know it's perfect) that I'm dying to see so I can actually understand the story when I listen to the soundtrack. So we searched tickets just for fun and only found it showing in New York. And then upon further investigation we found it playing at the TEMPLETON PERFORMING ARTS CENTER 20 MINUTES NORTH OF SLO THAT NIGHT. Lol @ that timing. So Alyssa and I went on a date at Templeton High School to see a $10 version of the show. AND IT WAS GREAT.

This weekend was a great time celebrating the independence of our country. 4th of July--the only day of the year that I chew potato chips while I play volleyball. Any day that I can sit on the beach with my pals and surf and eat watermelons and salami and watch fireworks is a gr8 day for me. Julia Core has a running tradition where she wears a patriotic top hat and puts on a fireworks show for us. This year she really outdid herself and put on an absolutely fantastic show. Well done, Juju.

Julia's Spectacular Spectacular

Some things that are hard:

Transitioning: Being in between things is hard. I'm in this place where I feel like my chapter in SLO has come to an end but this new thing in Santa Barbara can't start yet. And I'm just living out of a suitcase half-living with friends because I'm not here long enough to pay rent for a place. Feeling settled is something that I really cherish, so yeah, August 15th couldn't come sooner. BUT ALSO STILL TRYING TO MAKE THE MOST OF MY LAST MONTHISH IN SLO. Like I said, transitions are v hard.

Forgiving: Haven't had to learn the lesson of forgiveness in a long while. It's very hard. But the best thing we could ever do for ourselves is to forgive people. V thankful for this one. Also props to Jesus for forgiving me every dangalang day. He's so good at things. 

Surfing: Lol @ wiping out and taking boards to the leg.

seriously lol

In conclusion, the majority of my days are like this: HELP THERE'S SO MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO I'M OVERCOMMITTED AND IN OVER MY HEAD AND CAN'T SAY NO TO ANYTHING. But there are moments like these where nothing matters because life is beautiful:

I love when my YL kids housesit mansions with big dogs.

R.I.P. Galboa

my actual favorite place in slo

Allison Davis, PhD in Spiritual Engineering

God is grool (great and cool). Amen.

writing life with jesus a great yelp review

I have enough feelings to write seven thousand blog posts right now.

SEVEN THOUSAND BLOG POSTS.

Last time I had you here I was sitting in the airport in Denver about to go to Young Life staff training symposium. IT WAS GREAT. The whole time I was there all I could think was 'how am I here right now' 'how did this happen' 'when did I accept a job on YL staff' 'how am I sitting in business casual with 49 other staff people in a hotel conference room' 'thank you jesus' 'thank you jesus' 'thank you jesus'. THE WHOLE TIME. By the time it was over I had so many pent up feelings that all I could do was be THAT WEEPING GIRL alone at the gate waiting for my plane to board. And then I started reading 2 Corinthians and then Carrie Underwood's "Something In The Water" came on and it was game over.

I have just never felt more sure that I am supposed to be doing something.

I feel like I was literally made to do this. 

MADE.

On the plane home I had to physically stop what I was doing multiple times just to sit and thank Jesus and *~reflect~* and what he's brought me through and to.

BIGGEST LESSON OF 2015 SO FAR: God knows me and my heart and exactly what I need so perfectly always. Better than I know myself. I just need to stop making plans ever because God's always gonna come in with a curveball and it's always gonna be better than what I had in mind.

Less than 36 hours after I had arrived in Denver, I was flying back into Orange County, drinking a margarita with John and Melanie Jansen and asleep in my bed.

Since then I've been back in San Luis Obispo FINISHING COLLEGE. I graduate in 7 days. Lolz.

Other things:

In Young Life we do what we call "incarnational ministry". Meaning in addition to sharing the Gospel with high schoolers using words, we believe that we can actually be Jesus to our high schoolers. Our last SLO High Young Life event of the year was a formal dinner at In-N-Out. Psalm 23:5 talks about how Jesus prepares a table for us. And here I was at In-N-Out setting plastic tablecloths and tea lights and gold plates down for my high school friends PREPARING A PLACE FOR THEM. It was the most spiritual moment for me. I was literally doing for my friends what God does for us. "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). I was lol'ing.

After our *~fancy dinner~* I got to hold one of my YL gal's two week old labradoodle puppies. I have never been so affected by something. I cried while holding it and then came home and started crying while I was describing the experience to my roommates. IF YOU HEARD THOSE PUPPY NOISES YOU'D BE CRYING TEARS OUT OF YOUR FACE TOO. IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TEETH. Life altering, just life altering.

On June 4th, 2015 I gave a presentation on something I knew nothing about in my last college class ever. GOING OUT WITH A BANG AM I RIGHT.

I realized that my worst fear is swimming in a lap pool with a lady holding a clipboard watching me. Worst. Fear.

I feel like I've talked about crying a lot in this blog post. I promise I'm emotionally stable. But here's three other times I cried this week: Last Thursday night Bible study with some of my very best friends. Last 7am Friday morning Bible study with Johnny May. And a Sentimental YL Dinner with all the leaders from my generation that have been doing Young Life together for 4 years+. ALL VERY HAPPY TEARS.


Also today:

Sometimes you wake up feeling like a floppy sloppy lonely sad idiot. That was today for me. So I went to a friend's house and we made breakfast and we chatted. I thought being able to talk about some stuff going on would turn my mood around. It didn't. But you know what did make me feel better? Hearing my friend talking about the less than ideal situation in her life. (Sidenote: it's just really great to know that we are never the only one feeling floppy and sloppy.) Also, she wasn't letting her situation bring her down. Direct quote: "Instead I decided it's time to just get going! It's time to get moving!" PREACH. Turned my day right around. It's almost like God likes to speak to us through other people.

While there are some situations we can't change and floppy sloppy feelings we can't stop, we can't let that inhibit us from living like Jesus is alive. Because he is.

How we feel doesn't change who Jesus is. 

SO WE JUST GOTTA GET MOVING.

Happy Sunday y'all.

why/how am I on the Denny's email list

I’m writing this post alone in a cafe at the airport in Denver, CO before I call the shuttle service to take me to my hotel so I can go to a business casual conference for Jesus. I feel afraid. This was after aggressively sweating on the flight over. But like I wasn't hot. Very temperate climate in that plane. Just unexplained excessive underarm sweat. Also I think there's fingernails in my turkey wrap. On the plus side the fingernail wrap came with a surprise cookie. 

Remember the senior project I spent 50% of my last post complaining about? GUESS WHAT I COMPLETED IT YESTERDAY. After weeks of being in the self-imposed senior project prison, I turned in the final copy and I felt like an elephant got up from sitting on my face. AND I think I may have even tricked my advisor into thinking it’s good. So if anyone is looking for a free woman hmu.

OK SERIOUSLY WHAT IS SO CRUNCHY IN THIS TURKEY WRAP. THERE SHOULD NOT BE CRUNCHIES IN HERE. Lord, hear my cry. 

My worst fear is starting to come true. I got my first taste of feeling like I'm losing my Spanish. This is actually my worst fear and I cannot let this go on. BECAUSE IF I LOSE IT I CAN'T SPEAK TO MY CHILEANS ANYMORE WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE WORST THING I CAN IMAGINE. help help help. But don't worry because classic God saw my sadness and 3 days later sent an Argentinian man to the rescue. I went camping with my family in Yosemite and God dropped a solo traveling man named Roberto on a motorcycle with nowhere to sleep at our campsite. I got to speak Spanish with him all night and regained a small amount of my confidence back and weep over how beautiful his accent was. Moments like those is when I realize that sometimes God does stuff just because he knows we would love it. Like what are the chances of that. Seriously. And now that I have a life again (post senior project) I'll be able to start putting my Spanish to use again. YO CHUY EXPECT A PHONE CALL SOON.

A couple weekends ago Johnny May took all the current Young Life team leaders and future team leaders to an overnight at a pal's winery down south. We ate together and laughed and affirmed each other and cried a lot. Like if anyone is in the search for ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL PEOPLE INSIDE AND OUT there's a hot market in San Luis Obispo.

This past weekend was my everything. My Chilean homestay mom, Marjo, was in San Diego for work so after SHE GOT TO COME STAY WITH MY FAMILY AND SEE MY WORLD. And I brought one of my best pals Julia to come see it too. I took them to all the classic San Clemente spots and then I strapped backpack chairs on them and we had a *~beach day~* until 2 drunk guys started hitting on Marjo and invited us to a naked rave where we paint our bodies like dinosaurs. Tempting. Next time. Sunday morning I got to bring Marjo and Julia to my best pal Laura's house in San Diego and I got to have breakfast with my best friend since age 3, one of my best pals from college, and my Chilean mom. LIKE COULD THAT BE ANY MORE SPECIAL. NO. And then I dropped Marjo off at the airport and came home and on Monday we had a bbq at my house. I LOVE COOKING MEATS WITH MY FRIENDS YOU GUYS. Also I have extremely musically talented friends who played music for us all night. Yes there was a cello in my home. Wanna know how many things I love more than watching friends play music for friends? NOT MANY THINGS. And oh I could actually start weeping at this part. Our neighbors behind us that we don't know heard what was going on and popped their heads over the fence and asked if they could come over. IN JESS JANSENS OPINION THIS IS WHAT BRINGING HEAVEN ON EARTH IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. Being with people and doing things that create something that people are attracted to and want to be a part of and then welcoming them in with open arms when they come regardless of who they are. Ugh. Speciaw fwiends.

***another V special God moment*** I helped out at the Young Life fundraising banquet and started chatting with one of the sweet, sweet elderly couples there. The sweet, sweet woman asked me if I worked at Tahoe Joe's and I said YES. This couple had come in over a year ago to Tahoe Joe's where I was their waitress and I guess somehow I had talked about my Young Life kids with them and she said she's been praying for me and my girls as "the waitress at Tahoe Joe's" because she couldn't remember my name. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HAVING THAT CONVERSATION WITH HER. Now all I can think of is how there could be people praying for us that we have no idea about. I told her she can go right on ahead and start cc'ing those prayers to God's office in Santa Barbara in just a few months. Ugh, sweet Evelyn.

Just blown away by how wonderful humans are this month. I don't know how I could ever say enough thank you's to Jesus for that. So sorry for the excessive caps lock in this one.

Gonna go slip into some business casual now. Bye everyone.

the month maggie learned how to surf and I became employed

SORRY HELLO YES I KNOW I'M LATE. HAPPY SEIS DE MAYO Y'ALL.

Here's my April:

April started with the 3rd annual #gloryglorytrip to celebrate the resurrection of our Lawd. For the past three easters I have driven a minimum of 20 hours to spend less than 48 hours with 35+ strangers in beautiful scenery. That weekend actually GIVES ME LIFE. My highlight this year was Saturday night when all ~60 of us gathered around the fire to worship and share about what Jesus is doing in our lives. I want to cry just thinking about how special it is. In the midst of break-ups, losing jobs, doubts, death, gratitude and joy, strangers gather and celebrate the one thing we have in common--Hope. It's a weekend that gives me a huge glimpse of what I think heaven will be like. Gourmet curry cooked over a camp stove, sharing coffee, a beautiful earth, A LOT of laughing and butthole jokes, and sharing all of it with other humans and our big good God. WHERE ALL OF THOSE GREAT THINGS FIND THEIR ORIGIN ANYWAYS. If you think there's camp curry in a world without a loving God who creates good things, I would beg to differ.

THE "GRAND CANYON"

But probably the most rewarding part of the weekend was when we stoppped at a gas station in the middle of Arizona where there were two matching flame visors in the clearance section for $5.99 each and I talked the cashier into giving me them both for $6. BOGO DEALS ALL DAY.

#ministryinvestment

The second weekend of April, Claire, Allie and I decided that we needed a Level One Retreat. So we drove up to Big Sur and found this free campsite that isn't really a campsite. We fire roasted shrimp and corn and watched the sunset over the VAST ocean. We laughed and cried and prayed and read academic articles together. Once again, HEAVEN ON EARTH Y'ALL.

The Kingdom

The third weekend of April was what I like to call Jessi's first bachelorette weekend. Me and the gals I've been meeting with every Thursday night since the beginning of time went for an overnight *~getaway~* in San Simeon. We mom walked on the beach, pizza parlored in Cambria, drank wine in hotel rooms, and hit up a karaoke bar. There was this Elvis look-a-like who ran the show that really enjoyed us. Like really enjoyed us. Too much. When you get 9 IDIOTS together in a karaoke bar we're gonna steal some hearts, ok. But the best part was the last hour unofficially turned into SPANISH HOUR. Some Mexican gentlemen asked Lillian and I to dance and it was incredibly uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. Then I made my new friend Bernardo do a karaoke performance of "A Dios Le Pido" with me. It was my everything. The next morning we went to a coffee shop and had more gal chat. After 24 hours of celebrating each other, we all went around and shared our fears about what this next year could bring for us as we all part ways this summer. I really do believe this is what Jesus and Paul envisioned when they talked about community. A community where we can learn to love God and people AND OURSELVES while also being able to admit our fears and our questions and our frustrations and our doubts and when we REALLY MESS UP because we know that there is nothing we could say or do that would create a place of judgement or make us less worthy of God's love. I don't think I could ever thank Jesus enough times for these gals and their role in my life.

#borrowedtime

I don't really want to talk about the days in between the weekends this month. They've been painful. They mostly consist of me not doing my homework and then having to actually pep talk myself into going to class and then feeling flustered and like a big floppy sloppy idiot for the entire class period because I didn't do any of the homework. And then me coming home and eating a lot of chips and hummus and trying to work on my senior project. I'm actually ashamed to admit that to you all but DON'T WORRY because the month of May I plan on really putting on the smack down and doing my work. Because ONLY 5 WEEKS LEFT I CAN DO IT. Here's an example of how Jansen brings down the academic hammer:

competency

One week day activity I will talk about is when Alyssa, Lauren and I taught Maggie how to surf. Just a couple of sandy blonde surfer gals hitting the waves together. It was the most fulfilling work I've ever done and after Maggie rode her first wave I finally understood why Jesus Christ put me on this earth.

surfer maggie

Also in case anyone is interested in watching this sermon that was AN ACTUAL FAITH GAMECHANGER for me by my favorite pastor Mike Erre, here it is. Like seriously, everyone should watch this.
http://www.evfreefullerton.com/blog/sermons/light-and-darkness/

You wanna know what else is a gamechanger? The fact that I became an employed woman on Friday. I just committed the next 3 years of my life to full-time Young Life staff in Santa Barbara. So lol to when I said there wasn't a chance in france I wasn't moving to Latin America after I graduated. I guess that's what happens when you tell God you'll go anywhere in the world. Sometimes he'll put you just 90 minutes down the road. UGH THAT GUY. I'm so excited about this *~life decision~* that I could throw up and will be writing a longer blog post about it on another day. But just wanted to fill y'all in. Because you know, HOW COULD I LEAVE THAT OUT.

localmissionaries.com

Congrats if you made it to the end because that was just a lot of stuff about my life that probably most people wouldn't care to know. But you care. So thx 4 that. There are so many feelings/things I'm learning that I had to leave out in the interest of time that I would love to share. So hmu if you want more where this came from ;) Also walking past jasmine flowers can really turn someone's day around. Also I'm writing this post at Linnea's next to some Kenyan missionaries that I made friends with and now they're sweeping up their own mess that their kids made under the table. TRUE SERVANTS. K bye everyone.

farting alone in an empty classroom

Hi. I'm still here.

Went to Colorado for a Young Life Women's Retreat with like 8 of my best pals. It was magical and everything I needed. Julia and I did program (skit + games) for club (meetings) with MY IDOL GINGER HENDRIX AND HER GROWN WOMAN POSSE. Ginger is my 47-year-old dream woman who was the first person to ever give me vision for what my adulthood will look like. She says everything important and is hilarious and swears and also loves Jesus a lot and was a volunteer Young Life leader for like 75 years or something. My favorite thing she says is "Jesus, thanks for being nice enough to let us worship you by putting on these stupid outfits and making people laugh" or something like that. SO TRUE. I got some quality time with some old gal pals very dear to me before we all move away from each other in 3 months and got to meet some real gems. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 50 THAT ARE SO FUNNY WHO KNEW. Like I love being 21 but I can't wait to also be every age after that.

#WillDoProgramForFreeRetreat

Finals week: Not even worth wasting time talking about. Read the title of the post and you'll know more than enough.

Spring break: It wasn't really a break. It was mostly me sitting in the library sweating and weeping over my senior project research paper that I HAVE TO DO TO GRADUATE. Turns out writing a 30-50 page research paper is not an easy task. It's like they expect me to be educated by now. But I also went home and hung with my parents for a few days. And taught surf lessons. And peed in pools. And camped with my brother's Young Life area in Santa Barbara. So it was kind of a break, sure.

Maggie highlights of the month:

One day I was sitting in my room and she came walking in with her leash in her mouth. I think she was trying to tell me something. Still haven't figured it out. After an entire day of studying Maggie let me full body spoon her on the couch with my arms under and around her. It made her really hot and uncomfortable but she stuck it out because she knew I needed it. Another day I gave Maggie the other half of my plate of pancakes. I'm not sure if that is a Maggie highlight or just a lapse in my own self control.

Like it's just not normal to have such a deep relationship with someone else's dog.

Other weird happenings:

Went roller skating in Santa Maria (30 minutes south) with some Young Life kids. MAN THAT PLACE WAS WEIRD. But we were the ones in neon 80's gear while everyone else was in jeans and neutral t-shirts. So I guess we were the weird ones. But they did sell generic cola. We'll call it a tie.

I'm a surf instructor now. Not sure how that's happening. But I do know that I get to paid to flop around in the ocean for 2 hours and get to watch people get stoked when they stand up and ride a wave for the first time. It's so so so so special and absolutely ten thousand percent a place where I see Jesus. I'm also getting more and more freckles with each lesson. PEOPLE ARE GONNA FIND OUT I'M A GINGER.

I walked into a bar to meet Allie and Claire. Asked the server how much just a classic Coca-Cola is going for these days because I'm running on a tight budget. He asked me how much money I had and I said $2. So he gave me a Coke for $2. SHOULD'VE LOWBALLED HIM AT $1.50.

Today I ate a can of tuna and got on a spin bike ten minutes later. I actually had to remove myself from the spin class because I was in so much pain. 5 hours have passed and I still feel nauseous. I made a very bad mistake.

Went to buy my textbooks and 'Because I Got High' by Afroman was playing in the Cal Poly bookstore. Too funny to be ashamed.

Other mentionable life circumstances: Almost all of my friends and I have just experienced our first metabolism plateau. Suddenly none of our clothes fit any of us. So we're all SIZIN ON UP. It's funny you guys. Right? Please tell me it's funny.

Does Jansen know what she's doing with her life after college yet? NOPE TRY AGAIN NEXT MONTH LOL.

Driving to the Grand Canyon tomorrow. Bye everyone.

NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING

I didn't even know where to begin in talking about this month. So I just wasn't going to. Really thought I could get away with it. But then the "YO JANSEN WHERE'S YOUR FEBRUARY BLOG POST" texts started coming in. So here I am. Just trying to keep the people happy.

February put me on my knees at the feet of Jesus Christ.

Competency took a real hit this month. This was the month of homework room and being overwhelmed and feeling spread thin and completely incompetent. But it's cool because Jesus was faithful through it all. And I learned a lot.

Dropped my phone in a toilet. It sat in rice for two days. I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE LIBERATED. It was like *that moment when you take your bra off* for 48 hours straight. And I'm convinced that God let that happen so I could remember what's important in life. It worked.

One evening Julia and Lauren came over and we had Kid's Cuisine TV dinners on the couch while watching Friends just for the novelty of it.

San Luis Obispo might be the most beautiful place in the world. I literally just drive around this town going "woooooooowwwwww". The hills could not be greener or more magnificent. Soooooo Psalm 23. AND I LIVE NEXT TO A LAKE. WHO GETS TO LIVE NEXT TO A LAKE IN COLLEGE.

We have a new part-time roommate, a golden retriever named Maggie. She's my everything. I love her even though she manages to put her butt hole on the two square inches of my WHITE BEDSPREAD that I don't have covered with dog blankets. And even though she sometimes catches me off guard and slips her tongue in my mouth. Also idk if you've ever heard a dog audibly fart before, but I heard it for the first time in 21 years. TWO OF EM. Two squeaky dog farts. My love for Maggie grows deeper and deeper every day.

I think I'm becoming an adult. Made my first real resume last month. Bought my first business casual outfit this month. HI WAS SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A COMPETENT WOMAN TO HIRE?????????

I've cried four times this week thinking about the time a Russian cat skid marked on the leg of Julia's only pair of clean mint jeans.

So anyway. Here's 2 of the 67 things I learned about life and Jesus this month. . .

It's not our job to close doors, it's just our job to walk through open ones. SO I'M WALKING ON THROUGH THOSE OPEN DOORS. I said yes to an interview for local YoungLife staff and emailed some people in Nicaragua. Vamos a ver you know what I'm sayin? Lol you guys this time of life is so funny. NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING. It's funny as hell. Like there was about a month after returning from Chile where I thought it was stressful that we're all floundering idiots but now I just think it's hilarious.

If I'm genuinely pursuing Jesus, what I do doesn't matter. With lots of the future unknown and lots of ideas for what I could do next, my natural reaction is to PANIC. What if I don't choose the right path. What if God needs me over here but I go over there. What the eff is God's will for my life. HELLO. If we are doing God's revealed will, or what God clearly tells us to do, (love Him and love his people), we will accidentally do his unrevealed will. So Ima just keep on loving the Lord and my neighbor and trust that I'll be right where God wants me. Thanks to reading the Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozier, I'm realizing that literally everything EVERYTHING falls second to personally knowing God and seeking his face. If I'm doing that, loving people and doing "God's work" is just gonna be a natural consequence of my relationship with Jesus. So it's not my job to worry about what that might look like. I now plan on writing a novel to complement Tozer's titled Jansen's Hot Pursuit of the Lord: A Response. 

So there's probably the most vague description I could ever give you of what happened this past month. Going to Colorado now. Bye everyone. 

look back at it.

THE QUARTER OF THE COMPETENT WOMAN

Hi guys. So I used to be living in South America and I used to write blog posts about it. But now I'm not living in South America so I stopped writing blog posts. BUT I MISSED FOSTERING MY CREATIVITY THROUGH BLOG WRITING. So I'm back. To write about living in San Luis Obispo, CA. Lol.

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I'M NOT WRITING THIS FOR ANYONE BUT MYSELF AND LIKE MAYBE THE 3 PEOPLE WHO ALSO CARE. I'm not in it for the fame or the book deal. I just really want to remember this time of my life forever and ever. And because Ginger Hendrix told me to. So here's an unreasonably long post about nothing other than just my day 2 day life. ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PUT PICTURES ON THIS. Movin' on up.

THIS IS THE QUARTER OF BEING A COMPETENT WOMAN. Idk if I just like matured or something but suddenly I just feel very competent. I manage my time well, go salsa dancing on Friday nights, meet with wise women friends at 7am on weekday mornings, blog (lol), have a resumé, go on dates, develop projects with really smart professors, read about cross-cultural management and business strategy in bed with a glass of wine and candles lit before taking a bubble bath, AND EVEN MAINTAIN A CLEAN ROOM. I really hope the days of being unshowered and undinnered and always procrastinating are behind me for good. I had a couple days with lapses in competency and it was just stressful and unpleasant and I'm so not into the incompetent Jansen. Goals to increase competency this next month include regularly working out, finding a source of income, buying a competent woman watch once I have income, and refining my music taste. To be continued...

I've never been more obsessed with a home. Just a house full of gals living on Balboa Street so obviously our house is referred to as Galboa (copyright: @claireshannon). I think I'd actually be ok if I never left my home. We're just so self-sufficient at entertaining each other. Most popular Galboa activities include: being naked, homework bed, hammock spooning, wine nights, neighborhood jaunts to the lake, babysitting Maggie, having surprise visitors always, roof beers, and farting on each other.

Sometimes you and are your roommates and Julia Core are all just hanging out in your room and then you start teaching them salsa dancing and then it turns into Julia and I trying to twerk and then it turns into us finding sweaters and wigs in 'Jansen's Slutty Cat Costume Corner To Be Used For Bringing Highschoolers In SLO County To The Feet Of Jesus' in the garage and doing a full walk-on dance performance for my roommates for no purpose other than for our own enjoyment (the performers and the audience). Because what else would you do on a Sunday night. THESE ARE THE KINDS OF FRIENDS I WANNA HAVE FOREVER.

Chuy and Vicky. They're my everything. They are a married couple in their late fifties that came here from Mexico 10 years ago and they're my actual angels. I met them last year when Chuy and his ex-nun-friend came into Tahoe Joe's and I served them steaks. And the rest is history. Last spring Chuy, Vicky and I would meet for coffee every week to practice their English and my Spanish. They started inviting me over to their house for real Mexican food and hang time and it quickly became my most favorite activity. We reunited last week for the first time since I've been back from Chile and it was the most special morning ever. Not only do they love, support, and encourage me in every way possible--but they also teach me so much. I put an incredible amount of value in the fact that I can hear about real life in Mexico and the difficulties of being an immigrant from the perspective of someone who experiences it firsthand. It has changed my perspective entirely. Being in relationship with humans in an often marginalized people group is something I will strive for for the rest of my life.

Claire Shannon, Allie Davis, and I make up what we like to call the Wise Women Council (Level 1). We meet every Thursday morning at 7am to talk about important topics like the book of Job and feminism. But mostly we just end up sitting and talking about how ignorant we are and how much we have left to learn but also how real Jesus is in the middle of our messy lives. It is the most life-giving part of my week. Claire and Allie are just a couple of v intelligent women that I admire more than anyone. Sometimes it makes me cry tears of joy.

Irrelevant information about this month that is relevant to me:

One weekend I went Lady Camping with 25 ladies. We talked about ovulating and battled raccoons and roasted weenies and spooned.

Realizing that the YoungLife community here is one of a kind. Feeling incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to be apart of it for 4 years. Thank goodness I accidentally became a Christian and a YoungLife leader 3 years ago lol.

Another weekend I went to Disneyland with 13 other idiots in matching t-shirts with Johnny May's face on them.

Developing a deep deep reverence for San Luis Obispo. Like there is just too much easy access to incredible beauty here. Really tryna take advantage of that for these next 5 months.

3 out of 3 of my roommates work at coffee shops. So many benefits. So many.

I'm trying to touch my ukulele more this year. Currently learning Riptide by Vance Joy. Honestly it's not going that well.

We like to babysit our golden retriever dog friend Maggie. She sleeps in my bed with me and holds me all night long. I woke up in the morning and her face was inches from mine. Nothing makes me feel more complete.

100% more confused about my future than I was 2 months ago. I just get more confused everyday. I think God is lol'ing at me. I'm learning that letting go of plans is really good. I think that's the theme of what God's been showing me this month. Learning to let go of my plans and grab onto Jesus. Ok God whatever you want, I'm in.

Here's a small photo stream:

hey hello, slo

meet the Galboa women: Lillian, Alyssa, Jessica, & Ryann

Chu + Vic

LADY CAMPING 2K15 

maggie & me

"Who's on your shirt?" "The man who baptized me."

if I had to define this month in one photo.

Bye January. You were great.

the south of Chile > everything

HERE I AM Y'ALL. Alive and thriving in the United States of America. Feeling very weird about being back. Like why is everything in English.

I'm 21 now. For my birthday I went out to a karaoke bar AND a salsateca. I was so busy singing karaoke and salsa dancing that I actually forgot to binge drink. So yeah I didn't get drunk on my 21st birthday. Deconstructing social norms y'all.

The next night we began our trip to the south of Chile. Before our trip I was thinking ok after 10 days of traveling I'll be tired and homesick and ready to leave Chile. NOPE. Literally the opposite happened. Turns out it was possible for me to fall more in love with that country and the people in it.

We started our trip with a 13 hour overnight bus and landed in Puerto Varas, a small German town in the Lake District. We showed up at our hostel and an hour later we were accidentally riding bikes 36 kilometers to the neighboring town. The next day Pierre, our hostel owner, took us kayaking. So I don't repeat the phrase "It was really beautiful" too much, I'll just say it now. ALL OF SOUTHERN CHILE IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL. The third day we took a bus to Lago de Todos Los Santos. My chin was on the ground the entire time.

That night we took a plane down to the bottom of the world. But really. Punta Arenas is really really really far south. And cold. Very cold. And it's their summer.

The next morning I set out alone to go find Julia Core and her mom Barbs. I got lost very quick but it turned out great because I ACCIDENTALLY HITCH HIKED WITH AN ANGEL. He was just this jolly old man that was telling me how wonderful the people are in the south WHILE PROVING HIS OWN POINT.

I have no words to describe the Patagonia. We saw glaciers and mountains and lakes and rivers and alpacas having sex and surprise waterfalls and rocks and trees and rainbows and avalanches. It was the dumbest 3 days of my entire life. I've never seen anything more beautiful.  THANK GOD IT WAS AWFUL WEATHER. Because if it had been beautiful weather I think I would have died and quit everything and spent the rest of my life walking around mountains in Torres del Paine. It's my new life goal to get back there and spend 4 weeks in the Pat. Other than that all I can say is that everyone has to go. Bye.

On our last night in Torres del Paine we woke up in a lake tent. Literally we woke up at 2am and we were on a water bed. THE ONLY SPOT IN THE ENTIRE CAMPING PLACE WHERE WATER DECIDES TO PUDDLE UP WAS UNDER OUR TENT. Luckily by some strange coincidence or maybe the grace of Jesus Christ the refugio (the on site hostel + restaurant) hadn't made enough bread so they had two people in the kitchen making bread all night for the next day's supply. They said we could come in for the night so we ditched our tent and piled into the dining room and they fed us chocolate and peaches and bread and avocado and tea and coffee and we stayed up chatting with our new friends until the sun rose and they helped us rescue our flooded tent and just like that we were back on the trails. Lol.

We landed back in Punta Arenas that night like what the hell just happened. Still recovering.

I still have dirt collected at the bottom of my water bottle from drinking the fresh river water in Torres del Paine and I'm never washing it out.

The next day we just hung out in Punta Arenas. We always choose where to eat based on which place looks the shittiest. Because in Chile that usually means the best food. We ended up hitting jackpot. Spring even had a strange man spray his cologne on her.

The next morning at 6am we took a flight to Puerto Montt to spend the day there before taking an overnight bus back to Santiago. At this point we were pretty weary and kinda sick and it was raining and we had all our stuff and so we were just thinking let's just get this day over with by sitting in a cafe all day.

TURNED OUT TO BE A MAGICAL PERFECT DAY: We met a woman named Carmen who invited us into her slipper workshop. A SLIPPER WORKSHOP PEOPLE. She then turned out to be the most marvelous and wise and beautiful woman on planet earth and we stood talking to her for 45 minutes before she had to go babysit her grandkids. But not before introducing us to her friends who also had shops in the plaza omg I'm getting teary eyed writing about this day because it was so special and they all warmly welcomed us with big smiles and Carmen introduced one woman as "our other mama chilena" and we told this Argentinian man named Ruben we were studying in Santiago and he just kept saying "excelente" with his bright blue eyes and Argentinian accent. But wait it got better. Then we ate lunch where we paid less than $6 for a gourmet 3 course lunch and he let us stay there for 3 hours using his wifi and avoiding the hail outside. I felt like Lorelai in Luke's diner from Gilmore Girls except this man was much nicer than Luke and I'm Jessica and we were in Chile. Sarah fell down the flight of stairs walking to the bathroom and he gave her a chocolate bar after to make her feel better. A CHOCOLATE BAR. Then we went back to the plaza where Carmen makes her slippers to look around and ended up talking to Ruben more and he told us stories of moving to Puerto Montt with his future wife after knowing her for 3 days whom he did end up marrying and was with for 15 years before she died of cancer this year. Ruben was also a paraplegic at one point in his life after a bad car accident but said it was a miracle and he recovered to be able to walk with just a limp and have one working arm and now he makes salmon leather because he can do it with one hand. Then Carmen came back and invited us into her workshop for tea and so duh we did and she told us more stories and said we are all welcome back anytime. All we need is a backpack and to hitchhike down and we can stay with her. And people ask me why I love Chile LOL.

AND THAT ALL HAPPENED ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE BUS STATION LIKE SERIOUSLY LOL.

My last night in Santiago was the most special. Our pals threw Spring and I a party in one of my favorite places, the 27th floor patio of Briony's apartment building that overlooks the whole city where I got to watch the Santiago sunset one last time. They made chorrillana (my favorite Chilean food ever) and signed cards for us and we laughed and danced and at the end of the night when we were all saying goodbye we all stood in a circle and held each other and we had a bilingual prayer sendoff for Spring and I. I DON'T THINK A SEND OFF HAS EVER BEEN MORE SPECIAL.

The next day my pals Pancho and Bernardo took me to the airport and waited with me in the check-in line for an hour and a half before sending me off with final abrazos and encouraging words to the security line. And just like that I was on my way out of Chile.

The flight was fine. I mostly slept. The only fear I have about flying is that I'm gonna sleep through the free meal that I paid hundreds of dollars for. NOT AN IRRATIONAL FEAR. All was fine and swell until I landed in L.A. and saw the high rise buildings that reminded me too much of Santiago and it hit me that I was not on the South American continent anymore and all the people I love were now very, very far away and who knows the next time I'll be able to see them. That's when the waterworks came. So who do I talk to about getting Chile moved up by California?

Went straight from the airport to get a tattoo. One of my better decisions.

Other than that, things in San Clemente are good. Jansen holiday parties were pretty much the same as they are every year. Thirty minutes in my 87 year old grandmother was feeling up my chest and then lifting up her own shirt for a comparison all while speaking Dutch. So nothing new there.

Tomorrow I make the voyage north back to San Luis Obispo. I'M SO EXCITED I COULD WEEP.

And so ends the blog for purposes of sharing how awful Chile is. Thx 4 listening.  I've thoroughly enjoyed using this as a creative outlet. Wait until my high school English teachers find out I like writing now. But like, I tend to get busy. We'll see if I ever touch this blog again.

Happy new year, friends.

THE LAST ONE

YOU GUYS. THIS WILL BE THE LAST BLOG POST WRITTEN IN CHILE. WHAT.

Last Friday night I went to the end of the year fancy dinner for El Oasis then danced all night and didn't get home until 6am. And then I showered and went straight to my brother's first communion. I WAS SO TIRED IT WAS ACTUALLY PAINFUL. I came home after and died forever until I woke up and my mom was decorating for Christmas and I ate lemon pie. I don't know why I didn't think Christmas decorations would be a thing in my house but THEY ARE. My first sweaty Christmas.

My Thanksgiving this year was celebrated 3 days late at a table using both English and Spanish with no one I'm related to and a meal that consisted of dishes from both Chile and the USA. And we listened to Christmas music while we ate. I don't know if I've ever mentioned Chile's obsession with mayonnaise but Chile has an obsession with mayonnaise. There was an entire table full of DELICIOUS DISHES and yet they still had the bag of mayo out. Oh yeah. They buy their mayonnaise in bulk bags.

The next day me and a few gals sat on the deck of the 27th floor of Briony's apartment and had girl talk and giggled and loved each other. The sun was setting and was putting this BEAUTIFUL light over the city and I just absolutely couldn't get over it and I was just looking down at the city I love so much and was just like HEY WOW I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS CITY. Lol to 4 years ago when I didn't know a thing about Chile or that it wasn't spelled Chili.

Between that little moment ^ and Thanksgiving I just remembered again that I'm really not ready to go home. HEY LET'S WAIT UNTIL JESS GETS NICE AND COMFORTABLE AND THEN MAKE HER LEAVE.

There's this old man that sometimes rides the same bus as me. This week I noticed his haircut. Sometimes this city of 6 million people feels really small.

ON WEDNESDAY I WENT AND PICKED UP MY BEST FRIEND JULIA CORE AND HER MOM BARBS AT THE AIRPORT. I was their professional part time tour guide and having my two worlds collide could not have been greater. I had actual sore cheeks from smiling and laughing so much. And like I know we just survived 4 months without each other but that didn't make saying goodbye for another 3 weeks any easier.  JULIA CORE YOU ARE SUCH A SPECIAL FRIEND TO ME. And Barbs. I love Barbs.

I've had a few people tell me I have a Spanish accent (like from Spain) and I have never had any idea why. Over the weekend me and Julia just realized that I have a little bit of a lisp when I speak English too and that's why I think people confuse me for a sexy Spanish woman when I speak Spanish. So now I have to explain to people, "No I'm not from Spain I just have a lisp". Julia calls it the "Meredith Grey lisp". My life.

Also on Wednesday I walked around with one side of my shorts tucked up under my backpack exposing my butt cheek to the general public for 20 minutes.

Sometimes you have a relationship with the Creator of the universe and sometimes you feel like he's M.I.A. And that's been this past little over a weekish for me. I used to get really frustrated when I felt like I was talking to a wall or was having a hard time seeing Jesus in other people (or in myself for that matter) but I've learned that this is actually a cool part of following Jesus. Because it is SUCH A RELATIONSHIP that that's just a natural part of it.

People are just overwhelmingly unperfect and I have no idea why Jesus wants to be so involved with us.

My last day of school and my 21st birthday are on Wednesday, then I leave to travel the south of Chile on Thursday and then I'll come back spend 2 more days in Santiago and then my butt's getting on a plane back to Los Angeles, CA, USA on December 22nd. The next time we talk I'll be a mature 21-year-old sitting in San Clemente holding my family, weeping over my bank account, and celebrating what these last 4.5 months were for me. So like bye.

A FREE BLOG POST HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!

WOW HI SORRY I DON'T WRITE ON THIS.

But I'm here now.

I went camping. With like 35 Chileans. And 1 fellow gringa. And 1 girl from Ireland. IT WAS SO OVERWHELMING. Like I love being with large groups of Chileans and they're so great but it's just overwhelming when you can't speak Spanish (ME.) We hiked around, roasted weenies and mallows, and stayed around the campfire until 4:30 am. Some people stayed until 6am. Chileans don't sleep. Also just a side note: I'm so much more mature in Spanish because I haven't figured out how to make weenie jokes in Spanish. One day. My favorite part was the gal chat at night. All the gals sat in a circle and answered questions and shared stories and giggled together and related with each other and that's just some of the best stuff in life. HOWEVER, 90% of the camping I've done in my life has been with my best gal pals from San Luis Obispo, so this moment also made me real homesick. I shared with them how one of the things I'm most grateful for is my gal group in SLO and how it was LITERALLY JESUS who brought us all together in 2012 when we were ALL PRAYING THE SAME PRAYER for Jesus loving friends to vivir the vida with. On the way home me and 4 friends stopped at en empanada place and I was sitting there in this rickety stone building with a huge kiln cooking the empanadas and there was Latino music playing and Chilean flag banners hanging and we were all sharing a 2 liter bottle of coke with our plastic cups (v typical here) and I was just like lol I'm in Chile and moments like this don't exist in the US of A. It was grool (great and cool @claireshannon.)

Yesterday me and two friends were on the metro just chatting away when all of a sudden I looked down and some man's hand was in my backpack. Luckily I rule and essentially said "excuse me sir but why is your hand in my bag" and then he acted like he hadn't been doing anything and tried to make small talk as if he hadn't just tried to steal from me. So that was the time I almost got robbed.

Finally felt my first Chilean earthquake. They're extremely common here so I'd been waiting. But like it was only a 5 on the good ol' Richter scale. IS THAT ALL YOU GOT CHILE.

Last week I promised the break dancing crew that hangs in Plaza Italia every night that I would do push-ups all week and then come back to begin my b-girl career. Haven't done a single push-up. I can never show my face there again.

I've given 2 presentations in one of my classes since we last talked. The first on modern slavery and the second on harmful charity/giving. The more I learn about these two things the more I realize hey wow I'm extremely ignorant and hey wow I might be part of the problem. Did you know that 70% of the chocolate we eat is made by child slaves in Western Africa? Yeah, I didn't either. So like you bet your ass I'm gonna keep learning and start making changes. Like today when I went shopping because my clothes don't fit me (lol) and I opted for the shirt made in Chile over the dress made in China. If you're wondering why that's a better option, PERFECT. Let's talk about that upon my return. ALSO IF YOU'D LIKE A LIVE PRESENTATION ABOUT EITHER OF THESE TOPICS UPON MY RETURN I can give it to you in your preferred language (English/Spanish). Please send all inquires to jessicarosejansen@gmail.com.

Last weekend I spent my last night ever in Rancagua with my YL family. Very sad to say goodbye to some of my favorites but also one of the greatest nights I've had there. One of the BEST PARTS was that I got to bring my pal Bernardo with me to let him get a better look at Young Life is to see if he might want to be a part of helping at camp in January/starting YL in Santiago.  So special. Before club started Bernardo and Pablo (YL leader) taught me classic Chilean dances and it was the actual best time. My favorite place to be in the world is around a dinner table with my best gal pals but my SECOND favorite place has go to be dancing in Rancagua, Chile in the YL clubhouse. Club was awesome and I just really love everyone and then at the end they gave me a sweatshirt that THEY HAD MADE FOR ME. I've been sitting in my room wearing it and sweating because it's hot here but I love it too much to not have it on my body. Saying goodbye was real hard and sad but I know I'll be back in my lifetime. Cecilia has a room in her house ready and waiting for me so maybe I'll just drop out of Cal Poly and move there in January.

Big fan of the karaoke bars. Big big fan. You don't need to know anything more.

Me and two of my gringa pals are officially recognized at our favorite lunch lugar in La Vega (the beautifully sketchy market that I love to frequent). Our lady calls us her niñas. I WISH EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WOULD CALL ME THEIR NINA BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SPECIAL AND LOVED.

It's a good thing I'm leaving in 3 weeks. Any longer and I'd have to buy new pants. #1 bread consuming country for the win. BUT LIKE I'D SIZE UP IF IT MEANT I COULD STAY HERE FOREVER.

My Irish friend Briony had a big asado (essentially a gathering of friends around an assortment of meats) at her house one night and she lives on the 27th floor of an apartment and it was at night and the entire city was lit up and it was in this moment that I remembered I live in a big ass city. Not much to tell about this night that would interest you blog readers BUT STOP BEING SO SELFISH because I'm including this section so that I can remember this night when I read these posts in 5 years because it was special to me.

Been feeling strangely homesick this week. I think it's just because I'm so close to leaving that I've really started daydreaming about holding my nieces and seeing my sister (who I haven't seen since January). But like even with this homesickness I'm so not ready to leave. Like SO NOT READY.

Christian hipsters are alive and thriving in Santiago. I went to a church on Sunday that was full of them. It was incredible.

My latino music game IS SO STRONG RIGHT NOW. I could not be more pleased and all I can think about is getting back in my car and blasting really surprising music with the windows down.

Hung with a DELIGHTFUL human this week and he told me his story. WOW Jesus is teaching me SO MUCH through him. Main lesson: God walks with hurting people through the worst imaginable situations. And then works through those same hurting people and their experiences to do incredible things later. And NO ONE is beyond reach of God's love. No one. Even when we don't even know we are ready for it. Ugh, go Jesus.

One of my best friends Julia Core and her mom Barbs Core are coming to Santiago in 5 days. There are actually no words to describe how excited I am.

This might be the most blabby unorganized non proof read post I've written yet. COOL.

IT'S MID NOVEMBER HOW

Here's just like some things that have happened these past few weeks in chronological order:

I spent Halloween weekend with my YL family. On Friday they had a mega-club for all 4 of the clubs across Rancagua. At one point there was some misunderstanding because I don't speak Spanish and I accidentally ended up with 3 other leaders performing a zumba dance in front of everyone. Also my favorite part of the whole night was making friends with a gal at club and then leaving with her to walk around her barrio to pick up her friends to come to club. Gabriel, the area director, saw it happening and thought about stopping me (idk I guess maybe gringas shouldn't walk around the sketchiest barrio in Rancagua or something like that) BUT I'M SO GLAD HE DIDN'T because we walked arm in arm and sang "Bailando" by Enrique Iglesias and now every time I hear that song I am reminded of that special special memory. On Saturday they had a celebratory 8 years of YL ministry in Chile buffet dinner at Latin America's largest casino which also turned out to be a bowling alley an arcade a small amusement park a restaurant a mall a discoteca and a five star hotel. I ate so much I hurt myself and then all of a sudden I was on a ride that was launching me up and down over and over again. Not sure why that happened. Had another one of those big "how did I get here" moments when I was eating my third plate of dessert in the middle of a table with 18 Chileans that I didn't even know existed three months ago. Life is so weird. 

Just to give you a snapshot of my weekly routine: I usually wake up around 9 everyday (YUP CHILE HAS TURNED ME INTO A LATE SLEEPER @CAROLINEDOZIER), make a fried egg and pan @lillianbussel and nescafé (can't tell you how much I miss non-instant coffee), leave for class at 10:15 in order to get to class via bus and metro by 11ish, go to class (lol study abroad though), and then I usually meet up with a pal or go dancing or do something kewl after class. So that's pretty much what Mon-Thurs usually looks like. For all 2 of you that were wondering. This week especially I've had some really special one-on-one hangouts with some very special people and I am just so thankful that we don't do this thing called LA VIDA alone. 

On Thursday night my friends in Rancagua held the first YL interest meeting here in Santiago to try and get the ball rolling on YOUNG LIFE SANTIAGO. I have never felt so privileged to attend anything in my life. To be able to be apart of the very first step in starting YL in Santiago AND being able to invite 5 of my Chilean friends to the meeting and into the Young Life story (a story that has had an incredible impact on my relationship with Jesus) was just 2 kewl 4 words. The meeting was small but the leaders here have incredible faith and I have no doubts that God's going to provide the right people to make YL happen here. So like get ready Santiago.

On Friday I spent the day in the immigration office trying to renew my visa. It was incredibly overwhelming. I walked into the building and thought OH MY GOD I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR 14 HOURS I DIDNT BRING ENOUGH WATER. But don't worry I was only there for 3. There were people from all over the world there. Literally the entire world. I was reminded once again how 100% ignorant I am of how diverse our world is. 

Friday night I performed both Spice Girl's Wannabe and Luis Fonsi's Yo No Me Doy Por Vencido in a karaoke bar. After each performance my pals were in the back corner shouting "GRINGA LOCA GRINGA LOCA GRINGA LOCA". Getting closer and closer to Latina pop stardom. 

I went on a date on Saturday. THE ONLY THING SCARIER THAN YOUR FIRST DATE IN 3 YEARS IS YOUR FIRST DATE IN 3 YEARS IN SPANISH. I think I'd be ok with waiting another 3 years before going on another one. 

And last night we made friends with street break dancers. THEY WERE THE COOLEST GENTE EVER. And they're coming to the salsateca with us tonight. 

Also. When I'm speaking English I find myself using the Spanish "ehhmmm" instead of the English "uhmmm" and I say "y" instead of "and". But I use "like" when I'm speaking Spanish. THIS IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP ANY OF IT. 

THAT'S ALL BYE

"Es muy fácil andar por el camino que lleva a la perdición, porque es un camino ancho. ¡Y mucha gente va por ese camino! Pero es muy difícil andar por el camino que lleva a la vida, porque es un camino muy angosto. Por eso, son muy pocos los que lo encuentran." 

Mateo 6:13

sunscreened and thriving

Reporting live from my bed that I haven't left since I got home yesterday. Just got back from the 5 days tearing it up in the driest desert in the world and I may never move my body again.

Little bit of background: Instead of doing the $700 Atacama tour with our study abroad program, me and two pals, Spring and Sarah, (more commonly recognized as the Travel Team) did it on our own in hopes of having enough money to eat for our remaining two months in Chile. Here's an account of our time together.

Last Thursday we started our trip off with a bang by staying at the salsateca until 2am and then heading right to the airport to catch our flight. Because that's how you should always start a trip right.

A short flight later we got punted in Calama, Chile, a small mining town in the middle of nowhere where we could take a bus to San Pedro de Atacama. We got lost within literally 62 seconds of being there. LUCKILY, a miracle came in the form of a small female janitor who saw us struggling and gave us just the most detailed directions anyone could ever receive to the bus stop. I have never felt more loved by a small female janitor in my entire life. We had some extra time before our bus so we found a small picada with horse paintings on the walls and Christmas mugs and a wonderful Peruvian woman who single-handedly ran the place. We ordered pan y huevos and about 3 minutes after we ordered it we watched that woman run out of the door without saying a word to return 10 minutes later with bags of fresh bread. Also my café con leche came in the form of a hot cup of milk and a packet of instant coffee. I don't know when that will stop surprising me.

The first thing we did when we got to San Pedro was slack line with a local. Perks of not traveling with 40 bumbling gringos. The second thing we did was show up to the cheapest hostel that exists in San Pedro where we paid $8.50 a night to sleep in sheets that I'm actually positive have never been washed. (We watched Alfredo lysol the sheets in between guests and we loved every second of it.) The wifi worked about 60% of the time and sometimes there was hot water and usually toilet paper. But we paid 5,000 pesos for it. No complaints, folks. Great place.

Everyday for the next 4 days we rented bicicletas to bike our asses to desert beauty instead of paying big money to drive there on a tour and then to have to be on a tour. The first day we rode about 90 minutes to the Laguna Cejar. Still not quite sure why there's a lake in the middle of the driest desert in the world or how it sustains flamingos but you know science and whatever. We swam in the lake and it was v salty. So salty that you can't dunk your head under unless you really wanna hurt yourself and that you can float on your stomach without moving a muscle. We ended up talking to two Chilean gentleman in the lake and then all of a sudden our bikes were in the back of their truck and they were driving us an hour through beautiful desert landscape and paying $90 for us to get into the natural hot springs. GOOD THINGS COME TO POOR PEOPLE WHO TRAVEL. And then we were in the hot spring and Raul started singing Spanish opera and I will never understand how my choices in life brought me to that moment.

The next day we rode to Valle de la Luna. Little did I know that it's called Valley of the Moon BECAUSE THE TERRAIN IS JUST LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE MOON. So cool and also very bizarre. Apparently NASA even uses it to test whatever it is NASA does. On the way back we found ourselves on the side of the road trying to fix Sarah's bike. A guy on a motorcycle passed us and then a minute later came back to ask us if we needed help. He was SO SWEET and fixed her bike and even oiled up her wheels. He was an Argentinian who was motorcycling through Argentina, Bolivia, and Chile and he was absolutely my favorite part of the Atacama.

The next two days were just more "hey let's get on our bikes and find cool lugares in the desert" and we did it and it was great. We sweated a lot. And got really really dirty. And I never took off my adventure hat or my Tevas or my Shark watch. Took multiple photos of my naked butt cheeks in front of beautiful landscapes (as I have been doing in all beautiful landscapes since my trip to the Grand Canyon back in '13). Sometimes I got hangry or got suncreen in my eye but other than that it was a great time.

On our last night (which also happened to be Spring's 22nd cumpleaños) we walked out of the town a bit to stargaze. We had our new slacklining pal with us and now I will never forget that a shooting star is an "estrella fugaz" because I learned it while lying in dirt in the middle of the Atacama desert in Chile with a local. SPANISH IMMERSION IS REAL FOLKS.

The last 10 hours of our trip might be the strangest 10 hours of my entire life. Due to poorly coordinated bus and flight times we had to take a bus from San Pedro back to Calama Tuesday night but our flight wasn't until 8:50 AM the next morning. Since obvi we're too cheap to pay $30 each for a hostel for the night in Calama (it's a weird rich mining town where all the hostels and hotel which is like all 3 of them are weirdly expensive), our plan was to sleep in the airport. We got off the bus at 10pm and across the street there was a weird Chinese restaurant so we decided to go kill a few hours there before we took a taxi to the airport. After a mountain of Mongolian beef and wontons and Coronas, Sarah decided to make a joke like "lol, wouldn't it be funny if the airport is closed at night". And I said "lol wait that's a thing?" and she said "lol, ya" so we asked our waiter and he asked his co-workers and made a phone call and soon THAT JOKE BECAME OUR REALITY.  So here we are buzzed in a Chinese family restaurant at 11:30 at night with nowhere to go for the next 7 hours. Seeing as how our trip had gone so far I just kept saying "I'm just waiting for someone to come up to us and offer for us to stay in their home for the night". AND LOL THAT HAPPENED. Our waiter came back and offered for us to stay at the bartender's house. And so we stayed at the restaurant until closing and then the owner drove us two blocks to the bartender's house in his Mercedes SUV. The owner spoke both English and Spanish AND Chinese and yet never said a word to any of us. And why does he own a Mercedes SUV? He might be the most confusing part of our night. We all ended up chatting and watching music videos from the 80's until 4am until we took a 2 hour siesta and at 6am their taxi driver friend came and picked us up to take us to the airport but like he wasn't even driving a taxi so like this was another confusing part. By the time we got to the airport we were all just thankful and confused and happy to be alive and thriving in Calama, Chile.

Now I'm back in Santiago and while I loved my time in the Atacama as a dirty desert rat, I was actually real homesick for my Chilean fam, my Chilean home, and my life and people in Santiago. How does that happen after just two short months of being here. HELP WHAT WILL I DO WHEN I HAVE TO LEAVE FOR LONGER THAN 5 DAYS.

Also one quick special God moment I had this week. On the way home from the airport yesterday, Spring and I were riding the metro and this girl next to us was texting on her phone and crying really really hard. I started praying that somehow Jesus' peace and comfort would come into the situation. Right after I started praying, a sweet, SWEET older woman who was a stranger to the girl reached out her arm and started rubbing the girl's back and stroking her hair. Now, I don't know if that was an answer to prayer or whether or not that even comforted the girl, but I do know that if anything it was God being like hey Jess let me remind you that I'm a God who a lot of the time chooses to bring peace and comfort to people through other people. LESSON LEARNED JESUS. So like if you're trying to find me, I'll be in Santiago, Chile trying to live in a way in which God can work through me.

Ttyl.