in a rltshp w/ Jesus

Hi, I'm Jessica. And I have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

For all you dedicated blog followers who don't know my story, I'll give you a quick run-down. Because you deserve to know about the most important life decision I ever made. (And continue to make. Turns out accepting Jesus isn't a one time thing, lol.)

My freshman year of college started like this: WHAT THE HELL DO I BELIEVE IN? IS THERE A GOD? SOMEONE HAND ME THAT $10 HANDLE OF SVEDKA BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE IN.

And for four months, I tried to figure myself out. I tried to figure my faith out. I read a lot of Christian stuff. I read a lot of Mormon stuff. I read a lot of anti-Christian, and anti-Mormon stuff. I even dipped my literary toes in Buddhism and Hinduism and Islam and Judaism stuff.

And by a weird chain of coincidences (coincidences. yeah, right.) I started going to Young Life leader meetings.

And that's where I met some really wonderful people who loved God and who loved life. And I met a wise, wise sage named Johnny May who knows a lot about a lot of things. And a lot about why he believes in what the Bible says about who God is.

For four months I'd go to Young Life leader meetings on Wednesdays, and on the weekends get drunk and steal 'I Love Jesus' shot glasses from parties. I really wish that last part wasn't true. I really, really do. GRACE ABOUNDS Y'ALL.

I was hurting, you guys. It was the hardest four months of my entire life. But ask anyone that was around me during these four months, and they would probably have no idea any of this was happening. #confessions

Finally at the end of those four months I cried on top of a hill and told God that I'd seen enough. I believed in Jesus and what he's doing in the world. And that if he's in then I am too. But only if he's really in. And I told him I couldn't do it alone. And that I was ready to take da leap of faith. But if he wasn't there to catch me that I would be PISSED.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, JESUS HELD UP HIS END OF THE BARGAIN.

And that was it folks. That was the moment I said eff da police I'm following Jesus.

Let's make this clear, I never got all my answers. It's not like at the end of those 4 months I was suddenly like, "Oh duh! It makes PERFECT sense that we're all sinners and God came down to earth and became flesh and then died on a cross and rose from the dead and now I'm set free." It still makes almost no sense to me. But it makes enough. And then this really cool thing called faith has to come in and fill in the blanks.

And besides, getting all the answers isn't what I needed to propel me into the arms of Jesús Cristo. Sure, there's plenty of historical evidence and archaeological blah blah blah that uniquely makes Christianity not something you have to accept with blind faith (And all of it is V INTERESTING, for another blog post). But what intrigued me was being accepted and welcomed into a stranger's home. It was being loved by a group of people who had a supernatural love pouring into them. It was from hearing stories about how God was actively moving in people's lives. (Johnny May's story is actually ridiculous. God is real.) It was from seeing how Jesus is relevant to our lives now, two thousand years later. It was from experiencing Jesus by sharing meals and laughing with people. It was feeling like I had finally found something that could fill this hole in my heart that I was trying everything in the book to fill. It was the Holy Spirit who changed my heart and gave me eyes to see the reality of God's love for us. And that's the best answer I can give. Words are hard, when it comes to this.

Put in simpler terms, deciding to follow Jesus is like pooping. When it's time, you know it's time. You can't explain why you have the urge, or what it's gonna look like when it happens, but you do it anyways.

I am so sorry for that. ^

Obligatory Sidenote: There's so much more to this story than I'm able to put here. So please, take this blog post for what it is. A blog post. Not the '14th Edition Newly Revised Autobiography of How Jansen Came To Faith in Jesus: Now Including All Details, Reasons, Questions, and Thoughts About How She Became a New Woman'.

We've only scraped the tip of the iceberg here, people.