fresh whiffs

Happy Tuesday, everyone! I ate Taco Bell for lunch so I'm still burping up that *~international flavor~* as I write this. A happy Tuesday indeed.

I'm a real student at a real school in Chile now except for not actually a real student because I only take classes with Americans and I mostly just get stared at walking on campus because I'm so obviously not a real student here. All my classes are in Spanish. Which means all my homework is in Spanish. Also I only speak Spanish with my home stay. Also the entire country speaks Spanish. So basically this exhausts my brain and I get in my bed AND DIE for 8 hours every night.

Some highlights you should know about:

Last Tuesday night, my family and I went to my tio's 25th birthday party at my abuelos' house in the suburbs of Santiago. At one point all the lights were turned off and the birthday cake was lit and we were all singing feliz cumpleaños and it was a very special 'how did I end up in a living room with a big Chilean family singing happy birthday to my tio' moment.

I secretly LOVE having to take taxis because it means there's another human TRAPPED in a car that I can force to speak Spanish with me.

Tried an empanada place by my school for the first time. I took one bit of my doble queso empanada and immediately kissed my pre-study abroad body goodbye because I have never enjoyed a mouthful of grease more. I will be back at least 8 times daily.

There's two street dogs that are always at the corner where the said empanada place is. They attack cars and bite the fenders and stuff but they're probably really nice dogs, just misunderstood. They wear little doggy vests to keep them warm. I mostly just wonder who does their laundry.

I COULD NOT HAVE CHOSEN A WORSE COUNTRY TO LEARN SPANISH IN. My professors have openly admitted this to us. Chileans just speak so fast and don't pronounce ANYTHING and have a lot of strange slang. But I'm getting it. I really am. Slowly but surely.

I am absolutely obsessed with all doormen/security guards in this country. And yes, I will make that generalization based off the 3 doormen in my apartment and the 1 security guard at my school that I know. All so wonderful and friendly and love to indulge me by letting me talk to them about literally pointless things just so I can practice speaking. Also 50% of them are named Luis. I think 50% of this country might be named Luis.

Mullets are such a thing here. Still unsure about my feelings regarding this subject.

I HAVE BEEN ASKED ON TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS FOR DIRECTIONS. Twice. Both times by Spanish speakers asking me in Spanish. Why they would EVER choose to ask me out of all people I will never understand.

On Monday me and two others stood in front of a coffee vending machine debating for 5 minutes whether or not the coffee will come in a cup or if you have to have your own cup ready to catch the coffee that pours out. Sometimes it's just hard being foreign.

I'm never not hungry here. I had 2 lunches and dessert 3 times today. I'M ALWAYS HUNGRY AND I CAN'T STOP.

I learned how to meringue and salsa at dance class today. I even danced with real Chilean men. I felt like a real woman which I really needed because I haven't shaved my legs in over two weeks. In fact I haven't even seen my legs in over two weeks. It's cold and central heating doesn't exist in Chile.

But enough about my overgrown body hairs, IT'S TIME TO CUT ALL THE BS and get to the meat and papas of this blog post. I learned a big LIFE LESSON this week. On Thursday night, I went with my mom's 30 something year old salsa-dancing dread-locked male friend to an exclusive invite-only cocktail party he was working. You know, going to cocktail parties full of established fancy folk with an almost-stranger are not necessarily on my list of favorite things to do but I figured it'd be good practice for my Spanish and like when else will I go to an exclusive cocktail party in another country? 

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS IT WAS AWFUL. If you know me, large social situations and talking to strangers are generally a strongpoint of mine. But WOW NOT THIS NIGHT. I was SO uncomfortable. The only way I could make myself even slightly comfortable was to grab a martini and pretend to be someone I wasn't. I made some bad calls and acted in a way that is not who I am or who I want to be. Long story short, I got home that night feeling awful. But I could not be MORE THANKFUL for that night. And let me tell you why.

I know God let me have that night so he could give me a reminder of why I chose Him in the first place. A reminder of what leaves me feeling empty. A reminder of what it feels like to place myself first and hurt people in the process. BUT MOST OF ALL, a reminder of what it feels like to choose to live outside of what I've found in Jesus. THX 4 THE REMINDERS GOD THEY'RE MUCH APPRECIATED. I learned that while I'm here (or anytime for that matter) I can't compromise who I am or what my passions are or what I care about or what I like to do just because it seems easier at the moment to do so. That is literally no way to live. So, just feeling extra liberated to pursue Jesus while I'm here and not be ashamed to do so.  I feel like I got a fresh whiff of Jesus air and I'm ready to go out and run after love and justice like it's nobody's business. Turns out Jesus likes to work through nights of pear martinis and mistakes and I could not love him more for that.

When Jesus says he wants to give us freedom, he means it. AND IMA GO RIGHT ON AHEAD AND SOAK THAT FREEDOM UP.

Also UGH keep thinking of more things I love about Jesus. After all this, I never felt condemned by God. I never felt like he was mad at me. I only felt the presence of a God who loves me just the way I am but loves me too much to let me stay like that.

Ok, I'm done.

Peace and blessings y'all it's 12:45 in the morning here and I'm ready to hit my tasmanian devil sheets. Yes, I do sleep on tasmanian devil sheets that say "some things require great concentration" all over them. Bye.

PS YOU SHOULD SEND ME MAIL.

My address is this:

Jessica Jansen

Programa USAC

Universidad Andrés Bello

Avenida República 470, Piso 1

Santiago, Chile- South America

Postal Code 8370251

Rumor is it takes about 4 weeks for mail to get here. Just a FYI. And also if you send something and I don't thank you profusely for it and write a 12 page love letter showering you in praises back to you, it means I didn't get it.